Home Making

This is the second year I’ve participated in the House of Shine “Year Of” program. This incredible organization does tons of amazing, life-changing work, but I’m particularly fond of the Year Of. This program walks you through an exercise where you name your year. One word. It seems like something you could just think about and choose, but Year Of forces me to dig a little deeper.

I was committed to making my big goal this year to clean and simplify my house. I tease that I was one handbag away from being a hoarder, but I really was drowning in stuff. I had managed to stack and pile things around me in an embarrassingly materialistic show. While the clutter didn’t bother me, the mess had started impacted my willingness and ability to share my house with others, and that was simply unacceptable. As I began marching down the Year Of path I really wanted my word to be SIMPLIFY. Digging deeper is dangerous....

Why did I have all this stuff?  Because I wanted to have anything I might need right there with me. Why did I feel like I needed to keep it all?  So I wouldn’t have to depend on anyone else to help me should I need it. (We’re getting into scary deep secrets now.). Why don’t I want to depend on anyone else?  Because I don’t trust that people won’t let me down. Why haven’t I developed that trust since I know people love and care for me?  Because I’m afraid to ask for help. Why?  Because asking for help means I can’t do it on my own, and that scares me to my core. It isn’t about simplifying at all...  it’s about accepting that I’m not blazing through life alone. Asking for help isn’t a declaration of weakness or an invitation to codependence. It’s a willingness to be vulnerable and humble and to accept that others love me just as much as I love them. I needed to admit I needed help then accept it.

With that profound kick in the ass I set out in 2018 with the word “help” as my mantra - specific emphasis on asking for and accepting freely. I took a baby step when I asked my brother in law Matthew to change a light bulb. I tiptoed further when he told me he was going to clean out Keaton’s room at my house and I let him. But I wasn’t really living HELP until Kim Blann gave me a push in the most amazing way a friend can push. She simply told me we were going to deal with my house this summer and needed to pick some days. She didn’t give me a chance to say no or back up. She forced help on me like only a best friend can.

This summer has been a tornado of friends, memories, family, vulnerability, and soul clearing. My house is an incredible, lovey place full of peace and space to breathe for the first time in my life. I value the things in my house more now because I see them and love them and have created a space for them. I have built memories with precious forever friends through this process that makes every inch of this place more special.  But as meaningful as this house transformation has been it pales in comparison to the change in my spirit. I’ve asked for and accepted a lot of help over the last few months, and my relationships have improved exponentially. It’s not enough to give - I’m learning to accept so that others can also know the joy of it as well.

I’ve created a home. With the help of Kim, Amanda, Matthew, Amy, Pam, Lori, and Josh, I’m home. And home, I think, is where my adulting begins.

Trying Out Adulting

I've always lived a really fun life.  I adhere to the idea that you should work hard and then play hard.  I've done "adulting" at work like a champ - I'm responsible, organized, and get my stuff taken care of.  I work hard.  But personally...

I am the girl who throws clothes around while getting dressed.  I am the girl who chunks her shoes in a corner when she walks into the house.  I'm the girl who eats ice cream for dinner more often than a reasonable person should (does a reasonable person ever eat ice cream for dinner?).  I am also the girl who will go to a rock concert on a work night, travel the globe with a friend, and organize a pool party on a whim.

I live a fun life, but sometimes it doesn't really work for me.  This blog is my attempt to share my heartfelt desire to try adulting while not squashing my spirit.  I want to keep a cleaner home, be physically healthier, be more financially responsible, and still be the girl who throws the party, goes on the trip, and screams "I love you" at Justin Timberlake.  So join me on my next big adventure... ADULTING!